Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
