i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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