Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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