is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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