got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
