Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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