I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
