oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dignity is for republicans.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize