It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
