If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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