Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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