he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
