I think I am morally bankrupt
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
