she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
