Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
