Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
