Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
