We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
