where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh god the rape fog is back!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
