You smell like stripper and shame
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
