I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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