How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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