I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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