We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
