I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
