I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize