Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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