dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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