yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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