Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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