She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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