I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
