I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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