Heybabeimwearingurpanties
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i think im in europe. pls send help
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
