I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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