i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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