It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
