he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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