but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
