Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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