This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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