i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
