Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
