Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I supernannyed him into submission
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
