just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
