Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
