Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
