i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
false alarm, still single
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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