well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
