i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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