she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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