so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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