I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
