P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
