I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
