According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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