Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
