I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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