So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
