Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
