Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
