I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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