Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We got so high we made milksteak
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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