the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
