where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
